Yeah! I hope I am
too smart to ever have to enter a jail. I think I have learned
enough in life not to commit heavy offences. Would I ever, then
I hope I am intelligent enough not to get caught. Our bass player
learned about the German prison from the inside on our tour
with Nuclear Assault (Mike Gonzales was arrested for car vandalism
with which he had nothing to do with/MM). The German police
said in their endless wisdom; "here's an American Rock Star,
having money, so we'll sue him". What nonsense! The police are
the same all over the world, holding up their hand and saying;
"give us money!". Although Mike knew who did it, he did not
betray them to save his own skin. That night I was grievously
disappointed by the behaviour of some people. I believe at least
one of the band members learned from this affaire.
Looking in a mirror
is looking at yourself. I don't waste too much time with that,
thinking about myself. As soon as I do I get scared by what
I see. I see in my mirror a human being striving after developing
an honest and sincere character. That's the reason I make the
music I love, out of honesty. If jazz would have been my favorite
kind of music, I would have played jazz. When I look into a
mirror, I am interested more in the spiritual side than the
physical side. The outside which I see there doesn't interest
I have as much fear
for the death as for anything that's uncertain. I can't really
know what happens when I die because there are a lot of stories
being told. At the moment I don't wanna die yet, so I don't
think too much about it.
For this tour I
took 9 books with me from home. I read them after only 12 days.
I always read. When I should be sleeping, I am awake and reading.
At the moment I am reading the Andrew Bashss series for the
third time. Bashss is a lawyer from New York who wrote a fictive
series about a man by the name of Burke. One of the main themes
in his books is child abuse. Besides them, I recently read "The
Philosophy Of Sex". I used to mainly read the classics. Because
I just don't have enough time, I now read a lot of rubbish....
"fast food" for the mind.
I often have horrifying
dreams. One of them last night; I dreamed about my uncle who
recently died. Besides I dream a lot about my ex-girlfriend.
When we just met, I dreamed a lot about her, but all was in
perfect harmony. Now that we've seperated she's always telling
me things in my dreams like: "get out of my sight, out of my
life, six months together with you was enough". I also dream
often about the death of people I care about, like my family.
There's a lot more
human garbage and filth then you would like to believe. Hence
why the lyrics on our last album are about people that are not
people anymore. On account of sexual degeneration they became
robots. People that don't deserve being called people any longer,
because they're no more than repulsive filth. I tried to present
what's going on in the red light districts behind the scenes.
Many people know there's such an area in their city, where there's
prostitution, drugs and porno. But they don't see what's going
on in the back rooms and cellars of those houses. Red lights
turn into white light. The white light of camera's filming children
forced into anal sex, virgins being raped and women having sex
with animals. Horrible, and perhaps for writing about it, it
makes me a part of that scum also.